The Gift of Private Family Time

Family Group Conferences are unique, in that they have a section in the middle of the meeting called private family time. Unlimited time, space and privacy to openly and honestly talk issues through and find solutions. Professionals are not permitted, as this would change the dynamics of this magical part of the meeting, and could lead to individuals not speaking out, or the possibility of the meeting being guided by the professionals, who in turn may influence the family's plan. So for this reason they are not permitted.

In my early days as an FGC coordinator, I used to find this part of the meeting fascinating!

I found that the family who entered into private family time, rarely left the same. When rejoining the family post private time to discuss the family plan, we would invariably find a family who had put issues and difficulties aside, rebuilt relations, and worked together to find a collective response to address the situation. They - once fractured, were now united, with a clear view of the way forward. It is truly magical to witness this transformation. sometimes this takes just a few hours, sometimes much longer, but that is fine.

I always used to think, 'I'd love to be a fly on the wall during private time', purely for the reason of witnessing first hand this incredible shift within the family.

This opportunity came in the form of Advocacy. Advocates are the few professionals who are permitted within private time, to ensure that the child, young person, or vulnerable adult are supported.

A colleague of mine was in need of an advocate, and was struggling to find someone to advocate for the child's mother. I agreed to step in, and I have to say intrigued as I was to see what private time was like, I was also very conscious that I could not influence the family in any way. As it was, the mother found the courage to speak up for herself, but wanted me to stay with her none the less.

It was fascinating! Within minutes I had melted into the background, and it was like the family had forgotten I was even present. They stormed, formed and normed, and then got down to the task of pulling together their family plan. It was brilliant! Only at the end when they had their plan down on paper, did they finally turn to me and say "do you think this plan will do?". In response I said "the important thing is do you think it will do?". Grandfather replied, "well I think it is bloody brilliant!". He wasn't wrong!

This is why FGC's are unique, and why they work, because they provide the family with the gift that is private family time.

Jain

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#notanfgcwithoutprivacy