Fear and Anxiety

I am terrified of public speaking! There it is, I have said it!

I have over 25 years experience of working in various roles within the children and families sector. There isn't much I haven't encountered, experienced and worked with during my career!

Whilst I enjoy sharing my knowledge, learning, and experience with people on a one to one basis, when it comes to sharing this on a larger scale I become crippled with fear, and experience dreadful imposter syndrone.

However as Susan Jeffers said - "You have to feel the fear and do it anyway!"

So when the opportunity arises I will speak at conferences, training events and seminars, partly to try and overcome my fear via exposure therapy. However, also to really feel the fear.

Why? Because I feel it is worth reminding myself from time to time how it feels.

The reason for this is simple - it helps me remain grounded, and from the perspective of the work I do, it reminds me of the thoughts and feelings the child, parents, and family members may be experiencing when they are attending their family group conference (FGC) or mediation session.

The fear is often palpable when a child, young person, or family member arrives at the venue for their FGC. During Information sharing their eyes will dart from one attendee to another, sometimes avoiding eye contact all together. They will be withdrawn and silent, or anxious and aggetated. Sometimes their emotions will get the better of them and they may become animated and volatile, and this will be feed by their fear, frustration and anxiety. Therefore, reminding ourselves of what this feels like from time to time enables us to empathise with them, see the emotions behind the behaviour, be able to manage this, and enable the situation to be difused and remain calm.

That said, I also feel it is healthy to allow these feelings to manifest themselves, as they form a release. I have experienced many FGC's where the situation has become animated. However, this has been theraputic for the participants, as they have aired their views, and have heard the views and perspectives of others present, and this has enabled them to move on. When we are stuck, have things that are unsaid, it is hard for us to see the way forward. I always work hard to ensure that when I am preparing family members for the FGC, that I try and move beyond blame, and to a place of acceptance and understanding, as this encourages objectivity and a focus on being solution focused. When judgement disipates and is replaced by acknowledgement, then real progress can be made.

To end on a positive note, I am pleased to say that the fear and anxiety I observe at the outset of an FGC, is almost always replaced with relief, joyfulness, and connictivity. Families will become more cohesive and collaborative, bridges will be rebuilt, bonds maintained, and fear will disipate - this is the magic of the FGC process.